Posted in Journal

Metrics

I am enveloped by a sudden sense of sadness. I cannot really put a finger on the why, though. There is a sense of premonition, as if everything that has led up to this point is going to swallow me whole. I feel empty, and incapable of love. This is unsettling, and I wonder if all of the preceding weeks and months and years were a lie, when I felt like I would burst with all the emotions whirling in my chest – am I but an imposter at this as well?

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Posted in Musings

High On Music

“You’ve got to decide”, says SM, all chuckles and eyerolls, as my playlist blares from his speakers alternating between melancholic violin notes one minute and the sweet strumming of young love the next. “Are you heartbroken, or in love?”

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Posted in Journal

Destruction

I am overwhelmed.

I feel like my whole world is burning, and the roof is about to fall on my head, bringing down everything with it. There are just too many things, and too many windows and too many doors, but somehow no escape route. I feel trapped in a spiral of unending thoughts and circumstances that never ever lead anywhere. I am dangerously close to the S word. I am fighting it with all my might, but it feels like the only logical conclusion to my existence.

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