Posted in Journal

Not A Bad Day

I woke up this morning happier than I had been in a long time. I smiled at myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth, danced a little, and sang a little. I remember thinking, this is what happy feels like. I’m happy. This is nice. It was bright and sunny on the way out. Big fluffy clouds floating around. Just brilliant.

And of course, the day just HAD to go downhill from there.

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Posted in Journal

Being Primary

Scrolling through IG, I came across a video on manifesting (Is it like a LA thing, or does this really make some kind of psychological sense?) and for some reason, I stopped to listen. It talked about how the need to manifest a specific person comes from a place of lack of trust, self-doubt, a need for control and a feeling that things will not pan out the way you want otherwise, and how it needs to be replaced with wanting to manifest good things in general, out of self-love and happiness, knowing that you don’t require one specific thing to be complete. I had to admit that it made sense, at the very least. And I suspect these are things that I’ve thought about on my own too over time, but forget to actually put into practice.

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Destruction

I am overwhelmed.

I feel like my whole world is burning, and the roof is about to fall on my head, bringing down everything with it. There are just too many things, and too many windows and too many doors, but somehow no escape route. I feel trapped in a spiral of unending thoughts and circumstances that never ever lead anywhere. I am dangerously close to the S word. I am fighting it with all my might, but it feels like the only logical conclusion to my existence.

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In Dino

I wish I could freeze this moment.

Smiles dripping into laughter, too giddy to write this moment into eternal existence, singing myself hoarse over and above the lead’s voice as the old song blasts from my phone’s speakers.

In dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha.. Tu khwaab sajaa.. tu jee le zara..

These days, my heart keeps telling me.. adorn yourself with dreams.. and live a little..”

And I do.