Surviving on Oxytocin

I checked with my neurologist husband and even he couldn’t verify how true it was. That post about hacking happy hormones. How endorphins are evoked through exercise or laughter, dopamine through finishing tasks, oxytocin through hugs or pets and serotonin through meditation. But it felt right to me somehow. In any case, I’m running low on all fronts at the moment.

Double Life

I feel like I’m living a double life.

Doll

The pointlessness of it all.

However hard I try, however many distractions, I throw at myself, it comes back to this. And the urge to self-destruct reaches an all-time high when you find yourself let out a sigh, bidding goodbye to a dream that can never be.

Tints of Darkness

I feel the darkness creeping in, getting closer. I see the corners of my rainbow show a tint of black, spreading slowly like mould. I open my eyes wide and try to breathe away the ghosts looming in my head, whispering phrases from another time. I need to stay calm. I need to find a way to get through this.

The Mornings After

It cannot be easy to live with someone with mental illness. I realise that on all the mornings after.