Posted in Musings

High On Music

“You’ve got to decide”, says SM, all chuckles and eyerolls, as my playlist blares from his speakers alternating between melancholic violin notes one minute and the sweet strumming of young love the next. “Are you heartbroken, or in love?”

I smile and close my eyes. Oh, how I wish I could.

Each of my days lately seems to have a BGM attached to it. Songs on a loop, playing on my phone and in my head, incessantly. Rarely calming. But it is what it is. I suppose music is a welcome escape from the words forming in my head in its absence; the notes plugging in the numerous holes in the mind through which my spirit constantly seems to be draining out. I spend my days living as an extension to a stranger’s hurt or joy, surviving on a stable three-minute reprieve on repeat, till it eventually fills up my waking hours.

Today’s is an uncanny find from Instagram. I’m not even quite sure what the singer is trying to imply, but whatever the canvas originally portrayed, I have colored over it extensively with my own twisted emotions. Isn’t all art malleable that way? Perhaps that is why artists remain unhinged; constantly dangling from the million reflections of their creations in a mirror maze that the rest of us walk through.

I’m not even quite sure what the singer is implying, but I would like to think that I do. The words rhyme with my routines, and the thrumming bass strings seem to match the pitch of my heartbeat. At least for today. At least for now, let me exist in this vacuum, oblivious, surviving three minutes at a time.

Today, I won’t be thinking about you,

I’ll get by on someone else’s love

Oh, today you won’t be hearing from me

‘Cause I’m high on music…

– Black Sea Dahu (Big Mouth)


A wayward thinker hiding behind the facade of necessary courtesies

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