You’d think that all kinds of art would make you feel the same way. But it doesn’t. Music. Literature. Films. And of course, writing. Each of these gives me an entirely different experience, sets whole different moods.
Writing, for one, being something that requires very active involvement, is set quite apart from the rest. It brings me joy when it flows on its own, and makes me frustrated when I feel like I’m pushing it, or when I’m not entirely happy with what I’ve written. To be frank, I feel the latter right now; noting down my feelings without an end in mind. I feel more like a commentator than a writer.
Books are probably what gives me the most guaranteed happiness. For one, it requires little effort from my part. For another, it’s books. ‘Nuf said.
I’ve a love-hate relationship with music as I’ve mentioned before. I hate how much power it can have over my psyche, and how it can manipulate me so expertly and play mind games. Prior to discovering Spotify, I wasn’t even one to listen to music, and suddenly enters this software whose algorithm figures me out better than I ever managed to in 30 years. Sly b*&@#%d.
Films. Videos. Netflix. Why does watching something on our phone always feel like we are doing something bad? It’s the opposite of reading a book. Always a sinful activity. There ARE some random shows and channels that energize me, but most of it wears me out and/or makes me feel like a horrible person wasting away one’s life.
A couple of years ago, (or was it last year?! This pandemic has made me lose all sense of time) I started following a YouTube channel called Pick Up Limes. I loved the sheer positivity oozing out of the host, and the stunning frames and beautiful food preparations were a bonus. One of her earlier videos that I watched at the time talked of the necessity of maintaining the ratio between creation and consumption. How taking the effort to create something energizes you, while passively consuming someone else’s work ironically ends up making you feel drained.
I suppose my ratio has never quite been a healthy balance; it always tips on either side. And whenever it tips on the favourable side, you can be sure that I’m either emotionally vulnerable, or trying to escape a task. Like right now. I have deadlines piling up, and I choose to make a hideout out of WordPress.
It’s an hour away from midnight, and it’s too late to start afresh on work. Maybe tomorrow I’ll finally learn to strike a balance.
After all, isn’t that what tomorrows are for? Hope??